haha. i'm not emo now. wanted to tell you all about something i've always wanted to tell pple about but never did.
don't you think its magical at night in any city, espicially singapore. when its night time, we harness the power of nature to light up the city artificially. and when you look at the city skyline, especially from the esplanade terrace on a friday night, then you wonder if what we are doing really adds to global warming.
how can something so beautiful be so harmful to the earth?
ok. nuff said. my shoutouts:
1. dzarrin: good luck for your reservist! dun let your men bully you!
2. weims: thanks for sticking by our work. its really encouraging.
3. boobs: thanks for your msg babe! made me feel alot better!
4. aarona and seng song: my porkfrens overseas! enjoy your trips!
5. jayne! dun so emo already. :> things are looking up!
6. bobby! have fun doing ur internship! if i can i will go find you in hk with ss!
okiedokes. peace everyone!
and to my darling at work. hang in there! :)
Monday, June 18, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
u know, i strongly believe that blogs aren't places to be emo. because by publicizing your sorrow, you are effectively making your frens, whom you know will read, feel sorry for you, so in a way, trying to get sympathy votes.
but today i can't help it. i guess i need to tell all of you that i'm depressed. but don't worry. i won't show it. cos i'm strong, and cos I lie very very well. so well in fact that i may be guilty of bluffing myself sometimes.
I think i just lost my job. well, maybe not but i sure lost the plot in the project i was working on. I thought beforehand that sure can one. its steve! afterall. but i now realize that i didn't put enough thought into the project and that i didn't play my hands right. I also realize that my persuasiveness stops at peer level. I'm not very good at persuading higher management. but that will change, as i've learnt alot in the last few weeks.
I lost my scholarship too. its very very difficult to keep inside. i really really don't want anyone to find out cos i feel its dem malu. but i can't help it. its so shitty! urghs.
err... ok. now to add on my normal complaints about being short, fat and dyslexic. and not fast anymore. and no stamina.
but. i'm ok. really. i did quiet time this morning. i reached office super duper early. I thank God in times of trouble too. Glad i can. Cos in every victory, or difficulty in this case, please let it be said of me, my source of strength comes from God.
not all is lost though. i have gained the confidence of my boss, or so i think, cos he is willing to extend our working arrangement. I have become closer to seng song and weims. I have been able to catch up wtih jon, and i have made a couple of frens here.
really thinking of taking a gap year to complete the project i'm working on now.
ok. cut.
steve is once again fine as he rides into the sunset upon his noble steed.
but today i can't help it. i guess i need to tell all of you that i'm depressed. but don't worry. i won't show it. cos i'm strong, and cos I lie very very well. so well in fact that i may be guilty of bluffing myself sometimes.
I think i just lost my job. well, maybe not but i sure lost the plot in the project i was working on. I thought beforehand that sure can one. its steve! afterall. but i now realize that i didn't put enough thought into the project and that i didn't play my hands right. I also realize that my persuasiveness stops at peer level. I'm not very good at persuading higher management. but that will change, as i've learnt alot in the last few weeks.
I lost my scholarship too. its very very difficult to keep inside. i really really don't want anyone to find out cos i feel its dem malu. but i can't help it. its so shitty! urghs.
err... ok. now to add on my normal complaints about being short, fat and dyslexic. and not fast anymore. and no stamina.
but. i'm ok. really. i did quiet time this morning. i reached office super duper early. I thank God in times of trouble too. Glad i can. Cos in every victory, or difficulty in this case, please let it be said of me, my source of strength comes from God.
not all is lost though. i have gained the confidence of my boss, or so i think, cos he is willing to extend our working arrangement. I have become closer to seng song and weims. I have been able to catch up wtih jon, and i have made a couple of frens here.
really thinking of taking a gap year to complete the project i'm working on now.
ok. cut.
steve is once again fine as he rides into the sunset upon his noble steed.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
photos!
went shopping at queensway today and i bought my gear for my comeback!! hohoho. catch steve lau return to the starting line up tom at nus law 4pm!!! haha. i love my new shoes! they are so cool and silver. and they are really really comfy!! thanks darling for going with me to buy them!
went shopping at queensway today and i bought my gear for my comeback!! hohoho. catch steve lau return to the starting line up tom at nus law 4pm!!! haha. i love my new shoes! they are so cool and silver. and they are really really comfy!! thanks darling for going with me to buy them!
bought an extra ankle guard too. going to wear both now everytime i play. dem scared kind. an additional precaution i will take is to ensure weiming is on my team. haha.
everythings going good for me guys. sorry for not updating so long. i guess i only update when other pple update and when no one is updating then i dun update?
shoutouts to my boys:
dza: keep up the good work for ur bsm! :) enjoy urself there and dun forget to buy something for me. hehe
sil: thanks for the sweets! :) so sweet of u. hurhur.
LANCE AND JAYNE: love u both but could u please take out the rotting potato and oranges from my locker! haha.
BOB and SS: starcraft leh. haha. NOW> :) lets start playing golf tog too. crabs soon
Boons : get well soon! :)
Weims : Dun break my other ankle! haha. jking. thanks for sticking with me in the project. really.
Aaron: Have a good trip to London!
Phebs: hope ur having fun in hk!
Ian: sleep over at ur place soon! :) but no scary shows. otherwise aaron might pee in his pants. :)
PORKFRENS: can someone pls organize supps. dun slack leh!
oh yeah! Crytal: hope ur having fun in hk/korea? dunno. haha.
to everyone else doing ur internships have fun! :) heart heart heart
dawn!: hope u have fun in spain! msged u but i think ur auto roaming not on.
Gail!: faster study finish! haha.
Matt: Meet up soon!
Tang: dun u dare go watch man u again without me!!!!
lastly. to my bros in manchester. WELL DONE LA!!! CONGRATES! :)
cheers dudes
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
havn't bloged for a while, and thats cos i've been swamped.
you know, studying social science is great cos it lets you learn more about humanity. It casts new light on things, but sometimes i wished that perhaps i wasn't so cynical or had so little faith. I'm not a strong christian, but i love God and i want to dedicate my life to him and him alone. I want to become a social worker, or something along those lines so that I may help those he loves and i he may use me in whatever way he would like. God has a way of using useless people like myself to do wonderful things. I'm not low on self confidence, but I know that despite what alot of people think of me, I'm not that strong, not that fast not that smart (not that i am those things btw) but only by his grace. I got my national gold by his grace, my scholarship by his grace, and all my wonderful friends by his grace.
But back to the topic, social science cas cast doubts on my faith. there are 3 disciplines in social science, namely - political science, sociology and psychology. at least in smu that is.
political science - this has asked me to ask myself what if religion was just a means for the rulers of that particular era to control people? religion is so powerful it makes people forget democracy and accept totalitarianism. we believe in a higher power so the sufferings of this world are all right. am i to fall into their trap? am i so sheepish as that? religion makes people forget about the inefficiencies, about the corruption, about the cronyism that goes in the government. catholism is a instituionalized way to control people. we've all heard of corrupted popes and how they make use of donations for their own private benefit. did i give all my savings or at least some of it to make my pastor fat?
sociology - this begs the question, are we just doing this whole religious thing cos other people are doing it? society and social situations play a large part in how we behave. people can be misled to commit voluntary suicides, holy wars and others, who is to say that christianity isn't such a thing? or have we all been conditioned to ignore such questions?
as you can tell i'm getting tired of writing and you all know my point. social pysch. has taught me that the power of roles and situations are so powerful that experiments conducted by zambardo have caused university students to really get into their roles as prison wardens or prisoners in a mock prison experiement. sigh. are we just fufilling our role as devotees and our pastor a role as the head of the church?
the new religion today is money. how to get a better life. how to have a nicer car. how to be smater, better, than the rest. smu students go to their new church every sunday to worship this idealology. corp coms and marketing have shown me how to market things like how a pastor would preach his message.
perhaps a reason why religion is playing such a diminished role in society is because the governments don't need it! who needs religion to control the populace when they are too busy trying to make money to revolt against the government.
singapore's sustainable authorianism says it all.
but... why then does a voice inside me say that Christ is alive and is the living God????
fatalist. heirarchist. sectarian and individualist all say no! but why?
i try to use my logic to explain this. no one could be smart enough to write the bible. no one. thats how self centered i am. another reason. no evil corrupt government could be possible for asking people not to steal... and to love one another.
why do so many people who hanv't spoken to God swear by him? (not literally of course)
well. i think after seeming so educated, im going to say that i do. I LOVE you GOD!!! and i think you are there for us. just as all seemed doomed, thank you for a friend Sarah for sending me this:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:11)
thank you eileen for asking me to go to church again. i needed that.
this friday is when the Lord died for us 2007 years ago to pay for our sins. i know i may just be in my cycle of believing and sliding, but this is the absolute rock bottom for me and i hope i can climb out soon.
i'm glad i posted this. something thats been bothering me for a long long time.
you know, studying social science is great cos it lets you learn more about humanity. It casts new light on things, but sometimes i wished that perhaps i wasn't so cynical or had so little faith. I'm not a strong christian, but i love God and i want to dedicate my life to him and him alone. I want to become a social worker, or something along those lines so that I may help those he loves and i he may use me in whatever way he would like. God has a way of using useless people like myself to do wonderful things. I'm not low on self confidence, but I know that despite what alot of people think of me, I'm not that strong, not that fast not that smart (not that i am those things btw) but only by his grace. I got my national gold by his grace, my scholarship by his grace, and all my wonderful friends by his grace.
But back to the topic, social science cas cast doubts on my faith. there are 3 disciplines in social science, namely - political science, sociology and psychology. at least in smu that is.
political science - this has asked me to ask myself what if religion was just a means for the rulers of that particular era to control people? religion is so powerful it makes people forget democracy and accept totalitarianism. we believe in a higher power so the sufferings of this world are all right. am i to fall into their trap? am i so sheepish as that? religion makes people forget about the inefficiencies, about the corruption, about the cronyism that goes in the government. catholism is a instituionalized way to control people. we've all heard of corrupted popes and how they make use of donations for their own private benefit. did i give all my savings or at least some of it to make my pastor fat?
sociology - this begs the question, are we just doing this whole religious thing cos other people are doing it? society and social situations play a large part in how we behave. people can be misled to commit voluntary suicides, holy wars and others, who is to say that christianity isn't such a thing? or have we all been conditioned to ignore such questions?
as you can tell i'm getting tired of writing and you all know my point. social pysch. has taught me that the power of roles and situations are so powerful that experiments conducted by zambardo have caused university students to really get into their roles as prison wardens or prisoners in a mock prison experiement. sigh. are we just fufilling our role as devotees and our pastor a role as the head of the church?
the new religion today is money. how to get a better life. how to have a nicer car. how to be smater, better, than the rest. smu students go to their new church every sunday to worship this idealology. corp coms and marketing have shown me how to market things like how a pastor would preach his message.
perhaps a reason why religion is playing such a diminished role in society is because the governments don't need it! who needs religion to control the populace when they are too busy trying to make money to revolt against the government.
singapore's sustainable authorianism says it all.
but... why then does a voice inside me say that Christ is alive and is the living God????
fatalist. heirarchist. sectarian and individualist all say no! but why?
i try to use my logic to explain this. no one could be smart enough to write the bible. no one. thats how self centered i am. another reason. no evil corrupt government could be possible for asking people not to steal... and to love one another.
why do so many people who hanv't spoken to God swear by him? (not literally of course)
well. i think after seeming so educated, im going to say that i do. I LOVE you GOD!!! and i think you are there for us. just as all seemed doomed, thank you for a friend Sarah for sending me this:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:11)
thank you eileen for asking me to go to church again. i needed that.
this friday is when the Lord died for us 2007 years ago to pay for our sins. i know i may just be in my cycle of believing and sliding, but this is the absolute rock bottom for me and i hope i can climb out soon.
i'm glad i posted this. something thats been bothering me for a long long time.
Friday, March 16, 2007
1. had dinner with lance weimseer phebs and dza. this is what we ordered
boons - maggie pattaya with 1 extra chiken wing
phebs- nasi brani with 1 extra chicken wing
dzars- nasi brani with 1 extra chicken wing
weims - nasi brani with 2 extra chicken wings
lance - mutton something on bread not prata but aiya can't remember the name. :)
2. had lunch with eileen today
3. doing my socio paper now. very difficult.
4. going to go school tom and sit in the lib until i finish typing my paper
5. going to try to eat more fruits and vegetables
6. wants to watch 300 and that will smith movie
7. wants an image makeover. going to be:
-mature
-wise
-funny
-good table manners
-spell properly
-loose weight
-get fit
-cut hair
-have a slk
-sing jay chou songs
-have abbs
8. going to do more readings now.
9. loves everyone reading this
10. hopes everyone gets some sleep this weekend.
11. my name is steve! roar!
boons - maggie pattaya with 1 extra chiken wing
phebs- nasi brani with 1 extra chicken wing
dzars- nasi brani with 1 extra chicken wing
weims - nasi brani with 2 extra chicken wings
lance - mutton something on bread not prata but aiya can't remember the name. :)
2. had lunch with eileen today
3. doing my socio paper now. very difficult.
4. going to go school tom and sit in the lib until i finish typing my paper
5. going to try to eat more fruits and vegetables
6. wants to watch 300 and that will smith movie
7. wants an image makeover. going to be:
-mature
-wise
-funny
-good table manners
-spell properly
-loose weight
-get fit
-cut hair
-have a slk
-sing jay chou songs
-have abbs
8. going to do more readings now.
9. loves everyone reading this
10. hopes everyone gets some sleep this weekend.
11. my name is steve! roar!
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